Fear of Dogs

It’s 4 in the morning and I am brushing my teeth. Not because morning has arrived but my insomnia has ended.

A normal sleepless night had gone by. A Eddie Vedder song, Society played through the silent musings the night offered. My light was on though. A mere cheap bulb cannot contain the darkness that lies outside my comfortable room. The song ended; the cravings spurred. When the habit kicks, you stop enjoying things without the chemical stick. It becomes your crutch. The only hazard I have faced. They say there is more to follow. I have to go out now. The only trouble is the big hybrid dogs that guard the society of the residency. The happy people are asleep. My cyno-phobic heart struggles. I dared outside concurrently strolling aside a brave guy who wore an ID to work. He is allowed to walk this time because he is an unskilled labour and a cab awaits for him. The tea stall is nearby the road. I bought the sweet hot tea and the cheap stick. My fag reached the highway and vanished. The life changing moment I had wanted has not arrived as of yet. All I needed was to reach my lowest potential and strive towards resurgence. I don’t know how lower I need to go. I guess I have to make more holes in my belt. I am buying the cheapest stick these days.

Capitalism allows you to have the cheapest and the best. There is no lowest. It allowed me to enjoy the poison and the sweet tea.  The only commodity it fails to enjoy is Love, an optimism to end this tiredness. The greatest ambition. Once it takeovers love, it will be launched in series, Love 7 Love 8s and differently same versions would follow. At this moment, we are safe. We can pursue. We can wait.

My smoke is about to end and the dirty part of tea gulped. I have to go back to my room. There is sadness when things end even if it is happy loneliness or a cup of tea. I think this useless morning contemplation won’t change anything. I will still be the same hypocrite with a low moral code for other people. I will still fail to pursue my greatest ambition. I will still walk with my head low.

But I don’t fear the night dogs like before.



The Greatest Love Story That Never Happened


This is a love story about two people. Girl and Boy. Seems clichéd right? The writer (me) knows roughly else. A love paradigm seems thematic to explore. A real life story. Ah, JFK it’s not. When on earth you read “real life” you appear to yield it seriously. Isn’t it? Boy considered himself a realist (was not). He feared rejection to the core and fixated to a conclusion that in every relationship, arise a saturation point, “it all ends brutally” he says. Hence, a cynic. Girl considered herself an optimist. She had this utopia to fall in love and live attached forever. Happily ever after is relative here. She dreaded decisions and soughs surety. Girl believed spontaneity to be a disease which could limit real destiny. She feared the word casual. The story focuses further on the boy. The girl has been stereotyped because the canon allows.

April 3rd has eternally been the greatest day in Boy’s life. He got lucky every stint the calendar said April 3rd. His father gifted Boy, the first ever bike on April 3rd. The first kiss, first girlfriend coincided on the same date. The 3rd of April. Is he a forlorn romantic? (Overall inaction precedes romanticism). Boy was to attend a birthday party of this friend on the 3rd. He fashioned excited and a bit obstinate to nick some random girl in the ex-girl friend’s birthday party (supposed to be a big gig). The ex relocated rather well (they always do) fastened with a buffy boyfriend fostered whey protein and Iron Pumping. By and large she didn’t care. Maybe she invited Boy to prove a point of newly found bliss after her initial meltdown. He didn’t demur but felt motivated to meet some random stranger; in that came the 3rd of April. (The Urban Love Junkie Syndrome- ULJS)

Urban Love Junkie Syndrome – People go to a party. Single out individual with the shot to get some exploits. The social order hitherto created mass culture. No one knows who set the norms. Take for instance; you book an apartment the broker tries to grab big commission from your pocket.  Since you suffered losses, you drive vengeance to the universe. In today’s world after every transaction (affair) you become this broker.

April 3rd. The party was monotonous; corresponds to other chilled out shenanigans. a 3 point party. It starts with beer, hard booze through the smokes and wind-up people amidst the ones lapsed out. Then there are those couples continued their romance plug-ins in the corners of every house party. To Boy, the couples were wretched creatures in all parties, classes, markets, in all environments ever so recurring. They get engrossed with themselves to elude the world in their mediocrity. (He undermined that in reality he too acted same periodic, not in the conventional way) In his delusion, he was content; never acted like them -too afraid to be alone as they assured each other about eternity, invalid in this cosmic realm of uncertainty. The boy reared in the energetic mob and hit the booze button.

Energetic Mob – Anyone apart from the couples and the faint outs ambitioned to have a good time.

The party scene. A fat sophisticated guy strained to be funny and intellectual. In other news, a dictator, played the tracks and possessed the aux chord with authority and hope? He identified people are less critical on a guy who played good music. The power, the aux chord gives is infinite in current scheme of human appeasement. One and all strived to be different. People danced in passion, checked out every other and hoped someone clutches their attention and happily living ever after was to come. This existential loneliness would end in their lives and a happy Instagram feed about breakfast bakery exploits (selfies) to follow. Us, folks in the formative years of our reality hunt for a soul mate expected akin to a spouse. (The stomach belly and the jute bag) Your ancestors must be so proud. Boy found those people trivial and sad. Boy strived for extraordinary.

Girl was in the couch, one weirdo tried to impose his enlighten plagiarisms on her. The guy believed superiority act would help his cause. He didn’t notice sheer ugliness and the inability to hold liquor. The guy forced her to dance and Girl refused blatantly. The wannabe Shashi Tharoor absconded.  Boy kept tabs in the drama, found his object for the night and calmly approached Girl. He looked confident and casual. Not naïve and stupid. All it needed was to listen and the whole thing works out by the end of the night. The drinks, the lights, and the ambiance do the talk in the dusky environment. You friend are not worth a bottle. Boy winked at Girl and asked, “You bored?” Girl maintained her previous stationary position. She replied “Well politics and economics seem boring when drunk or maybe it comes to the person involved” Boy asked, “What’s interesting then?” “Does it matter?” the girl slammed back, headed off to the front room. If I were Boy I would have find my way out of the revelry with “rejected” stamped in my forehead. He had his way. Boy stood firm in the couch and waited. He smoked and made a new couch friend.
Couch friend – A person you get acquainted with in a pub or a party. The person shares a common bond of joints and fire. A common appreciation for the women who accompany you and the occasional (cross-friend) flirt.
The party had gone into the 4th quarter. Girl came back with two fresh glasses of gin and a grin. She sat near him (Boy). Thus, begin the phase of their conversation and world history remained unaltered.

Boy and Girl hit up instantly due to their particularities in music and importantly classic rock. Any human being who prefers Bee Gees over Kanya West needs attention and loving. The conversations grew intense and their equivalent hate towards the world helped. The greatest connect for any modern day coupling is no longer what they like. It’s what you despise collectively. Their political bashing of the pseudo politicians of the college, the dumb people on Facebook, the superficial contemporary music, people who ride the Royal Enfield(tight jeans and no socks) and the sudden burst noise it makes crossing over some girl in the streets. Boy never met anyone who shared his common hatred. A strange development formed as a result. He liked her; nonetheless mind prompted this was just a momentary forever. The mind always remembers what the heart tends to skip. It’s like when you skip copy a file in your hard drive but you get the error message. Your torrented game never gets installed. Girl had found Boy weird. At the same time a bit CASUAL. (You must be thinking why I have highlighted CASUAL. Sense the hypocrisy my reader).

Where is the climax? What is the point? The climax befell when he discovered she was the enantiomorph of his ideology.

Enantiomorph – Lateral inversion. The girl had a varied outlook whilst loving. She never had a lover and saved herself for the one she would end up forever. This reflected his views completely reverse and the resulting refraction controlled major reversal in the aftermath.

Boy was astounded to meet someone so fun and chastised uniformly. (He imagined a white background with the female form of humans wear pure white dresses. The place was called virgin-land. Her being a resident of that place) He felt sudden urge roughly stir him. You are high, you end up too straight. He told her about his exploits and gloomy take on the entire impression of loving. Both argued and paused. As they queried (the clash of perspective thundered) and in that they doubted one self. Boy regretted this entire evening, their conversation and a sudden helplessness elapsed. The first instant someone had taken hostage of his polluted mind which manipulated hundreds. He kept his gaze towards her and glared. Although I am the Omniscient narrator, I have no clue what Girl comprehended. Probably she planned to go the first room and avoid the Guy. Maybe she sat there out of courtesy or some vested interest. The scene that followed helps cognise.  She moved forward and kisses Boy. (Then they had sex together and became engineers. Oh sorry this is not a typical story written by a hack who worked at a MNC and now sells junk to masses) The guy was dazed. The happy shocked. The April 3rd enchantments finally worked. They (Boy and Girl) came out of the chaos (party) to his final destination. (Final, the word is very inconclusive)

Its early morning. Boy is awake. Near him under the sheets was Girl. She….. Wait the guy explains better in 1st person narrative.
“What is wrong with me? Why am I smiling as if she would get up and kiss me good morning? Not the French kiss just the simple kiss they do when one goes out for work while the other stays home bound. It was her first time and now she falls in love with me I guess”. He had a suppressed giggle trailed.  “Why this smile? She makes me feel I am perfect for her and some douchbag in the future is going to hurt her real bad. Is it my responsibility to save her? Why am I even talking? Ah let me make her some breakfast. It’s okay to be lame for a single day. I promise I will quit the next day. Her and smoking. Just the weekend.  Is she the last women? I mean the forever? Fuck! Why do I think even? Where is the mind support?”. He pondered over his new thoughts which streamed out of his denial subconscious, thread by thread white and sticky. He considered it was just Casual but the blood stains in the sheets encouraged him more.

Girl woke up with a tray full of breakfast perks Boy had prepared. She came out of her sheets jaded and changed hastily. It was stillness and only heartbeats. The silence eventually yields every one of us because we begin it wrong. The inception and the end points differ so much that questions “how did you ever survived for long?” After the sex and the high loses spark we get bored, start to entertain personal humiliations and mistakes. We find excitement in our quarrels and like every other people who claim loving on a daily basis. We join their crowd. The fate of your illusion rippled into space dust.

Boy finally succumbed to lose his touch and blabbed how unusual she made him feel. Girl smiled as she ate the toast and listened politely.  She finally spoke, “Listen I have an afternoon class, It was great last night. Thank You.” Boy giggled identical like the aforementioned weirdos and hugged her. He said, “No. Thank you dear” Girl stood straight and softly in a half pitched replies “Hey don’t make a deal out of it? I have to go now. Getting late. It was nice. I will call you” she kissed him in his cheek. The kind of kiss that addressed a surety about casualty. She never asked his number. Girl walked straight and gently closed the door to continue the silence that prevailed. The only change was the light that entered in that split of a second when the door opened. The sunlight disappeared. It was room darkness again.


What they both feared happened.

6 Women Who Got Friend Zoned…(Fictional)

Well, one of my Blog was about 6 Men Who Got Friend Zoned (Link – https://nibirdeka.wordpress.com/2014/06/15/6-men-who-got-friend-zoned-fictional). Now why should ‘Girls have all the fun’? The revenge is sweet and karma pays you back. 

1. Black Widow and Captain America

The ‘Marvel-istic’ superhero seems to be the pioneer of Friend Zoning one of the hottest being in the world, Black Widow. The redemption of Manhood towards female monopoly of Friend Zoning innocent males. Thank You Captain America, more than an accidental Superhero.


2. Hermione and Harry

The Boy who lived Friend Zoned Hermione, by the most famous way of doing it. The BFF way. It all started when he preferred the Chinese girl over her. Well, to Harry the grass is always greener on the other side or maybe her pre-puberty looks still haunts him.



3. Velma and Shaggy

Shaggy, who looked like a Weed addict dated Velma for a short spam leading to many complications between Scooby Doo. In the end it turned all sour and he decided to remain ‘Just Friends’ (if that word existed), all for his buddy Scooby.  Shaggy made the right call it seems, as for Velma, “Jinkies”.



4. Bellatrix and Voldemort

There is no way Voldemort, a power obsessed narcissistic soul would ever waste time seducing a woman. However, Bellatrix did saw something in whatever the Tom Riddle left in him. Had there been more, we would have to witnessed something  really gross. Good choice, Tom.



5. Elizabeth and Bhuvan

Poor Elizabeth had to be a Greg Chappel for Bhuvan, who later preferred the Desi over Firangi. How love can make someone a Vibhisan(for the British Raj) and can end you up in getting Friend Zoned. Communication gap may have played a big role as Elizabeth was really ‘Gauri’(beautiful). Elizabeth, we feel you.


6. Anjali and Rahul

Well this story provides some necessary comfort to all those who have been friend zoned. You can still end up getting married. Although, you have to do a makeover and be more feminine.

Note:- A bit of treading and upper lip helped in this case.