5 Qualities That Should Be Allowed On Your CV

The time of the year when you update your CVs have arrived. So here are some qualities which you have brushed every vacation but which will never be allowed to be entered on your CV. (Spoof and Humor

  1. . I am Nice

    Crushes are like “leather jackets”. Everyone has it, be it from “Pallika Bazar” or Zara it doesn’t matter.

    2 laws are always constant.

    • Energy can neither be created nor destroyed but can be transformed from one form to the other. ( Avogadro)
    • Crushes will reject you(includes friendzoning) by saying, “You are such a nice person” (Heart Broken Avagadro).

     

    So, if you are ugly and still single. You must be “a nice” person.

     

    22-memes-got-jorah-friend-zonecdn.pastemagazine.com

  2. Never at Fault

    People say they break up mutual. The one getting dumped has to listen to the infamous line, “It’s not you, it’s me”.

    So this accreditation should be allowed for people who have earned it through beautiful disparity.

    “A faultless guy is an asset for a company”

    -Actor Barun

    Pros – If the company makes a faulty product which explodes. The customers would respond, “Its not you, its me who is doing it wrong”. Crisis communication solved, don’t have to pay those PRs.

    unnamed-3

    Mujhe Bhagwan Ne Bheja Hai

     
  3. . Rolling

    In the rapid age of automation we are getting mechanized everywhere. The only art that saves humankind is the art of rolling passed down through generations.

    “If I had to choose between a bulky-curled-whey protein-cum-steroid lover-gym freak and a receding hairline black suited corporate sold out with student loans in bank, I would always prefer a skinny guy who can roll good joints”.

    -Anonymous Girl Confessions of Amsterdam

    Pros – A good roller would keep everyone happy(literally) in the immediate environment of the company which checks the internal communication required in a company.

    unnamed

  4. Micro Management 

If you are the guy who buys the disposal glasses, runs to the wine shop because it’s going to be 10 PM (for Gujarat and Bihar – read milk shops) and cooks dinner getting high. You are already doing better than a diploma degree in skill development from IIP(A)M.

unnamed-2

5. Multi-tasking

Not everyone can upload snaps on Snapchat, stories for Instagram, memes for Facebook and extra filtered photo on Instagram just to prove that you have a life. It takes real effort, wifi and Jio simcards (sim1 only).

Pros – In a world of convergence a multi-tasker would innovate new ideas like why doesn’t the Steering wheel of cars have cameras to Snapchat roads while a Punjabi song is getting played.

unnamed-1

 

NOTE – The post doesn’t facilitate smoking. The scoops are intended only for humor. Cheers.

 

Utopia of The Spotted Mind

(c)google

(c)google

This life, one life. So chaotic? Yes it is not perfect, fuck perfection. Fuck what people think for a while. Just meditate. Not the kind where you pose and pretend not to be asleep. Meditate in your own way. Listen to a song or masturbate; anything that lets you escape the world for sometime. Since precede this silence, this singleness, a Boss would bang your door and break your peace. Till then, it’s all about you. You were there.

Is it justifiable to escape? I say it is. Because the world is ugly, you can’t choose contentment, you have to snatch it. Make it quick, the Boss comes real fast. Hse will bang your door hard, hse will make you feel guilty, and hse will make you so weak that you would cry. You can never change the Boss but you can still save yourself. Run, run away kid. Family, society and relationships? What do they give you? Love runs out faster than any other fuel. We are surrounded by selfish creatures and are manipulated through agendas. Maybe the Boss is right, it is useless to dream. It is right to be afraid, it is right to be unhappy and lament about life. Either be an escapist, dare to book a ticket to the Himalayas and stop eking through mortality. OR succumb to that old Boss and the new Boss who will continue the legacy. Sojourn this pretense, “he who says Carpe Diem and comes back home with a jute bag filled with vegetables and disappointment”. You are worse. The Boss is not the problem, your impotency is. For once be clear of these double standards. Stop saying you want space, independence, freedom and all those French movement ideals. You have watched enough movies and read ample novels. Fiction is always unreal and sliced to perfection. You are not perfect and your want for utopia is as silly as the wish to woo that crush of yours. Grow up.

As for me,

Unintentionally, I have found my silver lining and now I am armistice. To have finally seen the world after my intense travels and musings. On occasions I live with the Bosses. Paradoxical much, I do what I want against all obligations.  I have finally seen the Light. Ah, to write is to dream.

Bang!! Wait, wait, wait I hear the