6 Recurring Issues In Every Hindi Serial

1. Light Effects and Background Music
We see an abundance of Light effects and a horror background score in any average Daily Soap running every week since the last 5/7 years, which is more the time required to complete a college degree. The redundant scenes wherein a character reacts and his reply getting echoed. My advice? Grow up people and have some better taste like Gujarati food maybe.

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2. The Father of the Pregnant Lady.
The most difficult thing for any TV protagonist (female) is to prove her pregnancy happened out of her husband and not the Bad-Guy lover that crops usually after the happy marriage with the former. The tradition was started successfully in the early 2000s till late to current TV shows and most recently Pavitra Rishta. Well, show much for the word Pavitra.

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3.  The Living Room
It is seen in almost every Hindi serial, all the family members sit on the comfortable sofas together in the living room and suddenly a big issue spurs out. Within seconds, every member stands up accordingly with their faces shown from different angles and they confront the guilty party. The mother mostly goes towards the guilty subject (proven at times) and slaps.

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4. Death
In life, the only certain thing is Death. But our serials tend to defy the concept ‘death’. They would pop out of nowhere after their demise coupled with plastic surgery. So much for revenge and deception.

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5. Duration
The only similar element in both English and Hindi serials is their Run-Time. While the English Serials have a particular ending, the Hindi counterparts have no particular finish and may just end due to Lower TRP or an introduction of new show in that time.

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6. The Timeline Change
Almost every Hindi Serial after successfully airing 2-3 years makes a time shift forward to 10 years. The hero starts having Grey Side Burns (to demonstrate ageing) and their Kids finally take the centre stage.  The characters may have changed but they are subjected to the same issues and their following outcomes.

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(c)nibirdeka

6 People You Encounter Before UCL Finale

1. The Finale Fans
There are the loyalists of ‘one club for life’ and then there are these Finale fans, becomes active just before the UCL Final. They just check in on Facebook and post #HalaMadrid.  FYI, both Real and Athletico are in Madrid. The most common question this season has been, “Why is David Villa playing for Athletico?” And “Where is Mesut Ozil?”

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2. The Cricket Fan
They are always glued to the Entertainment Industry aka IPL during the UCL Finale time and would post non-trending stuffs like Go KKR during the match day. Many have no clue about the qualification process of UCL but will become the Fan of the club triumphing or the Runners up. Cricket fans will now turn ‘Madrids’ Supporters leaving their preferable club of ManUTD after all those years. Another record broken by David Moyes.

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3. The Geeks
Analyzing the team having the upper hand one week before the build up to the game till the final whistle, the Geeks seem to know every bit details. If you are an Indian Footy Geek, you are meant to hate the IPL fans who believe Arsenal FC have copied their Jersey from Kings X1 Punjab. Vice Versa, Maybe?

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4. The Bollywood Celebrities
Deepika Padukone lifted the UCL Trophy hours before FLorentino Perez even though the later invested about 1Billion pounds. On previous finales we have seen faces like Abhishek Bacchan. No wonder Chelsea too has won the UCL.

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5. The Casualty
Football is War and all War leads to casualties. In India your family is the one which faces the late night ‘Holocaust’ of football. The worst is Penalties. Not because they end in a horrible way but you have to tell your parents (cricket fan Veterans) they have to wait another 20 mins in addition to the 30 mins they already waited. My advice is influence them into the religion of Football or shift the Television to your Bedroom.

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6. The Cable Guy
It  ain’t Jim Carrey. The frustrated cable viewers are bestowed with meaningless coverage of Outstanding Ojha, Virat The Go Getter – nonstop coverage of Star 1, 2, 3 and are compelled to literally beg for Ten Action. The cable guy be like, who needs Ten Action when you can watch Set Max, Six? No question, people are shifting to Satellite Dish.

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Note: No offence to the fans of the Clubs mentioned. Pure pun intended.
La Decima.

(c)nibirdeka

                                                 
  

How to get a Real Man?

The door BAMMED. A man had left the house. The backside of him wearing a white shirt still flashes out in her memory. The father of a small girl has abandoned the family. She never knew the reason. No, she didn’t believe those rumors. It was just getting difficult for the father to handle the two ladies because they say Real Man can handle family but her father wasn’t to be. The mother died expectedly and the girl shifted with the uncle and aunt, nevertheless from her mother’s side. Life is a story, the same sequence of events occur uniformly and repeatedly. All we need is to figure out the pattern. The Sun brings about the day and the moon follows up with the darkness. So the mother’s death should not be made tragic as it was purely expected. The only tragedy was the girl. Her father was not Real Man. This was her conviction about the events happened in her childhood that changed the girl forever. She was just a seven year old girl then. Nobody takes a seven year old girl seriously. Even nature wants at least girls above 12 years to give them the ambivalent outcome of adolescence.  Change is the only reality in the universe which is ubiquitous, it is present everywhere. Change is not visible and for that reason nobody challenges change, they just wait for it to cum. Change is sensual in a way. Like an immature girl waiting for her first puberty cycle or the middle aged housewife who just wait for it to end. She didn’t linger around for the change because nature can wait, not her. The girl became this Lady at the age of seven who could go to school all by herself walking half a kilometer and not fear the street Dogs who kidnap small girls for money. Maybe we all fear, however with age and growth the fear priorities change. We move on from this ‘cynophobic’ small kid to the man who fears competition in the modern world. She too had fears which were different from a regular seven year old. All her life after she learned sense (in short biology) she feared falling short on identifying the Real Man. Every organism is subjected to trepidation. Yes God too. He fears his immortality. The greatest fear of every woman is “What if they don’t meet this Real Man”.
The most important question arises so as to who is this Real Man? Is he a man who is yet to marry and is the most eligible bachelor in the world or is he a mask of a superior male human being. Because:-
Real man is supposed to treat his girl like a Princess.
Real man drinks with his family and doesn’t exceed 2 pegs.
Real man spends time with his children and helps them in their homework.
Real man mustn’t enjoy sex only; he should enjoy the pre hugging and the post cuddling.
Real man should have a job and earn big money; he should give his girl full time.
Real Man never cheats, he is the Love Trademark.
This Real Man seems to have a big demand for his qualities. But every statement made for the Real Man is contradictory to itself. The Real Man has never been found till now and girls become skeptical of this myth, subsequently marry a man since the other party is also ready to get married.
The girl had faith in this Real Man. She believed her parent’s failed marriage was because of the mother and her inability to find the Real Man. The mother was a simple Graduate with average demands.
The girl is making herself accountable for the Real Man. She works in a big farm and earns a lot of money. She had many one sided love interest where she was always on the other side. The girl met no one until the day she came across this Man who was her Boss. He was rich; the Boss is always Rich and a typical hot shot typecast. Our stories are actually like films and once again the same event of every Love story repeats itself. The Man was very kind to his Staff and well tempered. He was worth the waiting. She finally gave the signal, a green signal and the train entered the station. The Man was perfect on his Bed duties. They had sex many times and he gave her a lot of contentment. He also cuddled after sex which gave her pleasure. Sex can never make you smile but the cuddling can, a stereotypical thought some Romantics believed.  Was she destined to be with this Real Man she had been searching? And she would never lose this opportunity. Within months they had tied the knot. They were looking like a true Mr. and Mrs. Real Man. The big wedding night has finally arrived. The Big Wedding Night or the first Night was traditionally the day when the girl loses her virginity and new sheets are placed on her bed to make it more of symbolic. But today it is just a customary night for them. The only change being she would be doing making love in ‘his’ or we could say ‘their’ home. The night commenced and they had their first married sex. It tasted the same but it had a missing energy. She justified herself about the product which she purchased consoling herself that The Man may have got tired since it was the Big Wedding Day. She never excused her father but this was different. Wasn’t this the Real Man? Only a woman can doubt a man in the split of a second. The next move was the cuddling part but The Man that day made a slight change on his routine. He just kissed her on the cheek and departed out of the room. Maybe he felt thirsty, it being a very hot day.
People who live on a misguided hope always try to find light in space. To find light we need a reflecting body and to find solace in a marriage we need to face the reality. There is no science behind finding a Real Man. In reality, Real Man is someone who fulfils all prospects but your expectations are too many.
Thus, he returned except past one hour as The Real Man smoked a cigarette and watched his Weekend Football match.

8 Stereotypical Mindset Towards North East (India?)

1. Weed Carriers
No matter from whichever part you belong or whatever your moral principles may be, people just assume you to have the best weed in town (if you belong from the seven sisters).  “Bhai tu kab ghar jaa raha hai? Aate waqt weed le aaiyo”. Not accusing them to be Racist we do posses the best weed in the country.

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2. You know Hindi and Hindi Music!
You may have opted for Hindi on your 10th Boards but people get flabbergasted when they hear you speak Hindi or when you tune the latest Hindi track being broadcasted on the Television. *Bitch Please* “Kashmir jaungi mei, Ice Cream khaungi mei”. 

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3. China Connections.
There is a description in about 600 words of our culture in NCERT books and the lack of information makes people assume only Tribals live in the Northeast originally rooted from China. “Were your ancestors originally from China?”. *facepalm*

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4.  Vacation Ignorance
They presume the entire area as the same state. Tiger Hills and Kaziranga being neighbouring locations. Again NCERT are to be blamed for their Geography text and its lack of Information on the Northeast. Apart from Evergreen Trees, Alluvial Soil and Limestone we find no reference of the region whatsoever. “Bhai Meghalaya janeka plan hai. Kaziranga and Tiger Hills dekhna hai”

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5. Girl Stereotypes
Every Tribal person is referred to as ‘Chinki’. These so called ‘Chinki’ termed girls only love to drink and have sex. (Hypothetical Sexism). Male Bigotry at its height.

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6. Food
We eat things which are usually shown on Shaolin Films through chop sticks and Momo is our staple diet. “Bhai let me taste you a new thing today. They are called Parathas”. Go with the flow and you get free Parathas.

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7. Habitat
We live in a place surrounded by 1 Horn Rhinos and The Royal Bengal Tiger where it rains 24/7. Much like those Annaconda Movies.  FALLACY and MISCONCEPTIONs.

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8. Language
Some say we speak gibberish and others assume it to be Chinese. A few even find it similar to the Star Wars language (Galactic Basic). For the Assamese people they are always considered to be as Bengalis. Such Misconceptions, Much ignorance.

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NOTE: – The people of Northeast feel blessed with the true hospitality of our brothers. Some sad incidents have arisen recently and we may feel alienated at times due to the differences in culture but within a short span of our stay these people and the new city becomes our second home.

(C)nibirdeka